Because the youngest of four daughters, I still to the present day feel that I lost my Mom well before I was totally an adult. In her early fifty’s, my Mom was by no means that an unhealthy woman, except for the Cancer that invaded her entire body and eventually took her from us prematurely. She was the right Mom – quirky, fun, concerned, generally embarrassing, dead set on instilling sturdy values and a smart work-ethic and so a lot of more.
However, the saying ” you do not recognize what you’ve got until it’s gone” will forever ring true in my mind. I was twenty two when my Mom was taken from us; just beginning to mature to the point where I really valued my mother’s years of “nagging” and involvement in my life. At 19 and away from home at school, I failed to’t quite get the breadth of my Mom’s diagnosis and subsequent battles with Cancer. This was really a war – Mom vs. Cancer (an incurable, rare soft tissue Cancer, Leiomyosarcoma). Throughout her three year battle, and even with visits home almost every alternative weekend, I solely got bits and items of the entire picture. Knowing my Mom, she did not’t need me to take an occasion from faculty and come back home to assist care for her, but I want I had…another lesson learned the laborious way.
After you lose somebody terribly vital to you, a huge confidant, your supporter, an individual you liked to believe would never die, your life as you knew it appears to crumble. I felt sort of a chunk of my heart was gone and to the current day I feel like a piece of my heart is empty. It did get higher, but that feeling of loss, and longing to see and hear my mother once more can always linger.
I was able to maintain my relationships with friends and family, however now and then I felt like some relationships were hanging on by a skinny thread. The loss of my Mom literally stunted me from living for regarding a couple years or so. I did not wish to live a life without my Mom in it. She was my rock, my voice of reason. I finally decided I required some support to get through the loss and grief. I sought skilled facilitate; an objective, skilled to listen to my heartache, pain and feelings of loss. My grieving for my mother required to end, or a minimum of subside. I had to begin really living again…if not for myself, for my family; for Mom.
Here I am, seven and years after her passing, in a very abundant better place; clearer state of mind. I am currently happier, a lot of at home with myself and working toward my final goal…a life targeted on family, healthy living and being my own boss. How did I get here?
From losing my best friend, my confidant, my Mom. With help, I learned to accommodate the loss, get over the guilt of not being there enough and turned my sorrow and grief into a positive force for amendment and reflection.
The actual fact that my Mom passed away at such a young age led me to target what my true dreams and goals were. I now understand I’m not destined to work in cubicle world my entire career, eventually dropping my children off at day take care of 8 to ten hours, five days a week. That wasn’t my Mom’s style and it is actually not mine. Family and operating toward my dreams and goals are manner too necessary to me. Once all, life is simply too short!
Thus here I am seven plus years later in an exceedingly better place, at peace with this life while not Ellen, knowing I currently have a guardian angel. It is possible to urge past the grief to a more solid understanding of how to move forward.