How Your Past Affects Your Self Confidence

You might believe that what happened to you in fourth grade doesn’t have any impact on you and that these are just distance memories but the truth is that these memories have a significant impact on the way you deal with people.

If as a little child you didn’t feel that you smart enough you will feel inferior as a grown up when you compare yourself to smart people.

If you weren’t that social when you were a little child you will feel inferior as a grown up when comparing yourself to those whom you label as players or popular.

Consciously you might not realize what’s going on until you focus on your self talk but unconsciously you will experience feelings of inferiority when you encounter certain people.

Here is how the process happens:

  • Assuming that you complex was related to popular guys
  • You will compare yourself to anybody who is popular, anybody who appears to be popular or anybody who appears to have the qualities that can make him popular
  • You will feel inferior then think that you lack self confidence while in fact it was only a reflection of your past that made you compare yourself to certain people

During each social encounter we unconsciously recall our pasts and try to put the people we are dealing with in a category that matches one of those whom we met in our pasts.

If the person was found to be in a category that you didn’t feel inferior to in your past the you will feel comfortable dealing with him while if the person had anything in common between those you felt inferior to in the past then you will feel inferior.

The first thing you must notice in here is that the criteria you use to assign people into categories is based on nothing but your wild guesses

  • This player you see over there may be someone who has no more confidence than you
  • This guy who appears to be popular might be shy but appears to be confident because he is around his close friends
  • This person who looks like a bully might have a completely different personality than the one you imagined, the only reason you might have thought that he is a bully is that he looks like someone who bullied you in the past
  • Those girls who appear to be arrogant might be feeling uneasy and insecure

You must understand that your comparisons are based on assumptions that might not have anything to do with reality!!

The next time you find yourself about to compare yourself to someone tell yourself that you can’t judge him or assign him to a certain category without knowing him well. You will be surprised to find out that most of the comparisons that are making you feel inferior are resulting from assuming super powers for ordinary people or even ones who are less than ordinary.

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