Being in a distressed marriage can at times go neglected by either partner. Or several couples notice that there is a dilemma but choose to just live through the situation instead of taking steps to get the love back and save the relationship.
Why? The explanation for an action may stem from the family surroundings that either spouse has grown up in. A partner whose parents had a bad marriage often see this as the barometer and does not see the need to take notice or may not even be aware that there is a problem. He or she may have a confused belief that the circumstances are normal as he or she has gone through it before. Maybe these perceptions have been ingrained in the spouse since childhood while seeing his or her parents experience a troubled marriage. On that account, having a bad marriage himself or herself does not bring about any reaction.
Therefore what are the symptoms of a bad marriage?
Lack of intimacy, for one. Whereas before, both spouses can’t wait to get their hands on each other, now there is absence of intense desire. The simple loving touch, the surprise embrace, the holding of hands – all these are absent.
No communication. Communication is integral to bonding. And marriage is all about the union of two people. Once communication is gone, the spouses cannot give themselves the opportunity to connect and cultivate the marital bond.
Physical and verbal abuse. Abuse means respect is gone between the spouses. Physical or verbal abuse is a significant sign of a bad marriage. Marriage should be founded on respect and love, and when these are non-existent, trouble starts.
Couples usually fall into the trap of denial. sAspects such as fear from reprisal from family and friends can forbid the couple from confronting the problem face to face and looking for help to save the relationship. Other elements such as thinking of the good of the children push couples to just accept the situation acting on it. These couples do not realize that this does not help their children at all. If left unchecked, the children will grow up in an environment filled with hostility and stress and absence of role model to emulate in their own relationships later on.
Therefore what should you do? First, discuss it; this returns the communication back into the relationship. When you discuss it with your spouse, it will be easier to recognize that there is a problem. When both of you concede that there is a problem, it will be easier to seek help. Frequently couples choose to try to save the relationship themselves without looking for help. This is all right – for a first step. Though if you observe that you are not making advancement, then it is time to search for outside help through counseling or through resources that you can tap like self-help books or through the internet.
We are sometimes caught in our imaginations of castles in the sky and think that love will overpower all and things will work out by themselves. Nothing wrong in being positive about it. However frequently a third party is vital to make you and your partner recognize each of your weaknesses and analyze dispassionately what the problem is.
Doing nothing and trying to endure a bad marriage can result to strain and agitation not only for you and your spouse but your children and other family members as well. Do not stay quiet and just aspire things will solve themselves. You can do something to save the relationship . There is hope; a bad marriage can still be rebuilt.