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Using NLP to Improve Family Relationships And Dissolve Old Patterns

Inner tensions can be quite disturbing and result in conflict with family members. For instance, recently I had a client that was quite frustrated by his relationship with his mother-in-law. He found that in his interactions with her that she was often too talkative as well as self-centered.

It was reaching a point where it was difficult for him to be around her without feeling enraged. His annoyance with her was dominating his life and he couldn’t even bear to hear her voice.

Friction with his wife grew because he did not want to visit her mom. He complained in the session, “She annoys me to no end. Everything she says revolves around herself.”

There was desperation in his plea for help and he did not want his marriage to be damaged.

Fortunately, I knew that NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming)is very effective in helping someone that feels overwhelmed by a person or situation that they feel is irritating. When there is a strong annoyance in your life, your mind circles around that over and over again during the day. It can also lead to insomnia due to an inability to stop the internal reactions.

I explained to him that there is an easy NLP technique that helps to make a negative situation smaller and put it into perspective. The first thing I asked him to do was to picture his mother-in-law. He entered into the visualization and he replied, “She is standing behind me.” I continued the inquiry by asking him how big the image was and if she were a flat-screen television, what size would the picture be. His answer did not surprise me. He said with emotion, “Huge! Like a 65″ TV Screen!”

The subconscious mind magnifies our circumstances often. The next thing was that I asked him to use his hands to move the screen in front of him to make it smaller. My client re-sized it and then was asked to move it into the distance. After that, I had him imagine that there were two buttons at the bottom of the screen (similar to the knobs on the old Etch ASketch toy). He was instructed to imagine one of the knobs as a volume control and prompted to lower the volume plus change her voice into one similar to a cartoon character. The other knob was to be used to change the color to black and white.

By going through this exercise, he was able to hear and see her differently. This was because he reprogrammed his projection of her from a loud, annoying figure to a small, distant and humorous image. The idea is that whenever in the future the negative scenarios would enter his mind, they would not draw on the old images. Also, this could carry over into his future encounters with her. She would not be this large, looming figure but may even be fun to be around!

It was very rewarding to see the sudden release of the old image replaced by the new picture.People light up when they have a moment of insight. His amazement was overwhelming as he threw up his arms and expressed, “That’s Incredible! I can’t believe it. That was so easy. I feel great!” NLP uses many techniques which offer the brain new patterns of thinking or visualizing situations. If there is something that disturbs your mind and dominates it, test it out. You may be amazed of the power of suggestion. It is very liberating to change the old patterns of your mind and watch your fears disappear. You’ll gain mental flexibility, joy and more balance.

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